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Easy Home Cooking Magazine

Wonder Woman Has Left the Building
By Sheri McGregor

Recently, a woman wrote to me, seeking ways to pursue her personal dreams while still taking care of her children and household. I thought about this for a while and decided on that my advice to her is the same as I tell all women: let go of old ideals, and give yourself new standards to live by.  

For years, I told people I was Wonder Woman. It seemed the logical answer to the routine question, "How do you do it?" I received from almost everyone I met. How else could a mother of five have a successful career of her own, run her husband's business office, and still be walking (and wearing a smile)?

But as my own goals and dreams became bigger priorities, the less time I had available. To stay sane (and happy), I had to dismiss the notion that I could do it all. Now, whenever I get an inkling of guilt, I tell myself, "Wonder Woman has left the building." It's my way of changing expectations so that I can feel good about who I am and what I do.

Read on below to find out why this works for me, and decide whether you can utilize a similar reminder.

As a hypno-therapist, I work to help people make positive changes in their lives. That often means first shaping expectations into attainable goals. For instance, a client may logically believe in a need to exercise, yet set an unrealistic goal at the outset. Telling an individual who hasn't exercised in several years to start walking an hour at a time, six times a week, isn't realistic. And setting someone up for failure is never a good idea.

Most people operate on an all-or-nothing basis. When there's no time to exercise the full hour, it's easy to say, "I'll just start the program tomorrow." When tomorrow comes, the exercise is again easy to put off. Why? Because one can logically reason with an all-or-nothing mentality: "I didn't get to exercise all six days. I'll just start next week."

The solution is to change expectations. Attainable goals mean easier success, which then acts as a motivator. For some, just walking to the street corner might be an improvement. And once that far, it's easy to keep moving. Success generates more success--and the concept can work in all areas of life.

When I first started pursuing my writing career, I had a nursing baby and four other children, only one of whom was in school. I also had the same responsibilities with regard to my husband's business (payroll, bookkeeping, and answering the phone).

There was no way I could maintain the same strict standards for myself in all of my roles and still manage to pursue my dreams. For me, that meant finding cooking shortcuts, and letting go of perfectionist housekeeping. After all, this wasn't my mother's house. She lived in a different time. Eventually, I hired a housekeeper to come in every other week to do the floors, kitchen, and bathrooms. Our house got really messy in between her visits, but things like spending time with my children doing happy things were bigger priorities than having everything in its place. As a family, we learned to shut doors with the mess behind them. I also adopted a motto my grandmother taught me for when people come to visit: "If I can stand my house all of the time, then they can stand it for a little while."

Keep the kitchen clean enough that the health department won't declare it a disaster, but find ways to compromise. Doing so means feeling successful when you manage to get the dishes put away. Remember, no matter how diligent you are, housework is like stringing beads onto a chord with no knot on the end. Who needs to feel like a failure?

Another solution that works is to delegate. Children and husbands can do housework and cooking, too.

When I recently added a college curriculum to my already busy plate, Wonder Woman had to leave to the building. And once again, I found myself changing my standards.

Now that my children are getting older, needed alterations are different than they were when I first started working toward my dreams of writing. Now, for instance, my kids are learning when they need supplies for school crafts and projects they must tell me early. I'm not available to run out to the store the night before a due date. As a result, they're learning to plan ahead.

Attending school at night means less time for leisurely dinners, too. My family has always cooked for themselves to some extent (even very young children can learn to safely use a microwave oven). They're doing even more of it now. And I've accepted quickly prepared meals as nutritious alternatives. Betty Crocker puts out convenience cooking booklets sold at supermarket checkout stands. The magazine, Easy Home Cooking is also a help. Simple recipes have been a lifesaver in terms of me feeling like a success at feeding my family nutritious meals.

What must YOU set as a priority in order to feel good about your role as a caregiver in the family while etching out time to pursue your personal dreams? Find those priorities then create ways to make those areas a success--even if it means less important things don't always get done.

Whether training for a marathon, writing a book, earning a college degree, recording a hit song or any other dream of your heart, your goals are important. Though your family may complain, no one can really stand in the way of your dreams but you. Move old ways of thinking aside, and create new paths toward what's important to you.