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Mothers Who Dream |
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About the Author
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Profile
of Sam Horn Hanging above author/speaker Sam Horn’s computer is a colorfully bordered mission statement. The directive she drew up years ago includes language that reminds Sam of what’s important: “To make a positive difference for as many people as possible, while maintaining happy, healthy relationships with friends and family.” To this day, the divorced mother of two teenage sons is committed to the philosophy, which has made her life fulfilling. Did Sam always know what her mission was? No. But we can learn from her example of following her own mind and heart. By pursuing the things she loved, regardless of what others told her she should do, she walked a serendipitous path toward discovering her meaningful life’s work. In college, everyone expected Sam to go into a noble, intellectual profession and become a doctor or a lawyer. “But I was working in recreation,” she says. “And I loved it.” She set aside the judgments and advice of others and got her degree in recreation administration. That decision led her into work with tennis pros including Rod Laver and Chris Evert. She played tennis with George Bush who, at the time, was head of the CIA. “That was pretty heady stuff for a small town girl,” says Sam, who hales from a tiny town in California where there were “more horses than people.” Heady stuff maybe, but Sam saw things that disturbed her during her time on the premier resort island, Hilton Head. She mingled with wealthy, famous people, and witnessed firsthand that money and fame didn’t buy happiness. Fashion models the world considered ideal beauties were insecure about their looks. The world’s most eligible bachelors worried they weren’t good enough for the women they wanted to date. “I saw for myself that you can have everything but still not be content or happy,” says Sam. She longed to somehow make a difference. One day while reading the Washington Post, Sam saw the word “concentration” listed six times. She began to think about the word and how having concentration is the single most important thing to developing a talent. Knowing she could do something meaningful by following her joy of public speaking, she put together a course based on the subject. Excitement sparks in Sam’s usually mellow voice when she talks about what happened afterward. “Sixteen people came up and asked me if I’d speak at their place of business or function.” That first course she’d outlined from a spark of creative thinking while reading the paper launched Sam’s speaking career. Now, twenty years down the line, Sam can see that writing up that mission statement and pursuing the things she loved have brought joy to her life and those around her. At career days and other events where Sam speaks to teens, she refers back to her own example of following her heart. “Find what you do well,” says Sam. “Find the thing you love that gives you joy, and then get good at it.” For Sam tennis and public speaking opened doors to a career she loves. So, has her life path always been easy to navigate for this successful National Speaking Association member, President of Action Seminars and nonfiction book author? As a mother, she has faced her share of challenges. Like most of us, she’s dealt with guilt about time away from her children. “I’ve had that good mother, bad mother syndrome,” says Sam. Several years ago, an event set the stage for Sam to make some important decisions regarding her career and to bend her thinking so as to reap the most benefit. One of her sons was having a problem with stuttering at the time. Sam says, “The teacher called me in, and asked, ‘So, how long will you be gone this time?’” The woman would never have asked that question of a man. Facing the blame that rose in blatant waves from the teacher’s question, Sam saw firsthand the harsh judgment that comes from mothers who can’t (or won’t) understand a woman’s choice to leave her children for a week or more in pursuit of a career. But Sam loves what she does, and beyond that, it’s her living. The comment sliced into her heart. “I always felt wrong about the travel,” she says. “Every time I got on that plane, I felt like I was abandoning my boys.” Then, a wise friend helped her reframe her thinking. Instead of “conflicted,” Sam chose to think of herself as “blessed.” She has the best of both worlds-- boogie boarding at the beach with her kids one day and flying off to a speaking engagement where she’ll positively affect people’s lives the next. Who says you can’t do it all? Still, Sam decided she needed to set limits on her travel time. She booked only so many engagements per month. “But I had a choice,” says Sam. “Many women don’t.” To mothers pursuing outside careers, aspiring toward dreams outside of the realm of their own family, Sam says, “We’ve all heard of quality time, but it’s unrealistic to think that a woman who works all day then has three hours with her kids in the evening will be a perfect mom every night all of the time.” She recommends creating rituals you enjoy together, such as reading or making up stories. “My boys are in their teens now,” she says, “but they still love their backrubs.” Sam remembers times when she’d be gone with the rising sun, flying from their home island of Maui to Oahu for training. She flew back, exhausted, for a for a few coherent hours of “quality time” each evening. “That nightly, ten-minute ritual compensated for the rest of the time,” she says. “Sometimes I’d be so tired I could barely keep my eyes open, yet that five or ten minutes was sacred.” What started many years ago as tender, soothing backrubs that lulled tiny babies to sleep have become the “chop suey” or “slap happy” rubs her sons remind her about at night. “But it’s more than a backrub,” says Sam, whose teens are at an age when they don’t show a heck of a lot of affection. “It’s amazing when at this age you ask what they did at school and are lucky to get a grunt in reply,” she says. “But during that backrub, the floodgates come open. You’d be surprised what conversation takes place. I cherish it.” Now that her boys are older and the family has moved back to the mainland, they often travel together. Sam’s sons sell books at the back of the room during her speaking engagements. They help out with other aspects of the business too. “They used to groan when we’d stop at bookstores along the road,” says Sam. “Now, they’re the ones to point out stores where we should stop and get to know the personnel. They know my books are their legacy.” Like all women in hot pursuit of their dreams, Sam works hard, getting to know the staff in as many bookstores as she can. “I know that when my books are all sold, if they know me, there’s more of a personal reason for them to re-order more.” Among others, Sam’s
books include the two titles: Through her seminars and books she offers advice on communicating to your best advantage and building the confidence to follow your dreams. Sam Horn is following her own dream and inspiring others--including her sons--to do the same. Find Sam Horn
on the Web:
www.samhorn.com |
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